Posts Tagged ‘Very Serious People


Hugh Hewitt and the Oblivion Mandate

Okay, so the country saw that the Democrat’s 2006 and 2008 big tent circus was more dysfunctional than Larry Craig’s marriage, and so they handed the Republican’s one half of the legislative branch. It’s true folks, the Dems were indeed handed a half pound tough burger by Middle-America, apparently giving conservatives a schizoid mandate to go back to doing whatever the fuck they want to do all the time.

All of the lily white cherubs of the conservative blogosphere have trumpeted the oncoming age of obstruction as dictated by the Great Unwashed with eager anticipation. As America stumbles ‘n’ fumbles her way into a century she is wholly unprepared for, the dingus cognoscenti have declared that blocking everything is the key to retaining the righteousness of their Exceptionalist rhetoric on the campaign trail.

None of this is news, anyone who thought that somehow the Republican Party could elect throngs of drooling dilettantes to political office and become a functioning part of government is either crazier or dumber than myself. Just because these fools neglected to elect Sharron Angle does not mean they are serious about curbing their turd flinging ways and take a serious approach to governing.

Any quick glance into the conservative online echo chamber in the past few days shows the usual scores of demagogues and mean spirited nutbags going off about this new Oblivion Mandate and how the war to take-everything-back-and-give-it-to-the-rich-folks starts by holding the lame-duck congress hostage until they can squeeze out a few more billion dollars of deficit spending and hand it over directly to the wealthiest folks in the land. You know populist stuff.

One of these sinister boobs is Hugh Hewitt. Hugh’s a professor of Constitutional Law and a super-conservative Christian talk radio host, so conventional wisdom would put him in the Really Smart People caste of society.

Hugh Hewitt a member of the Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians While Impersonating Stephen King faction of the conservative blogosphere.

But of course in the conservative alternate universe conventional wisdom isn’t worth its weight in pig-shit, and Hugh Hewitt is either a dullard or genuinely insane. Here’s Hugh the straight shooter outlining the bare bones of the new conservative mandate:

The GOP needs to honor the people’s overwhelming vote that says “Stop!”

Stop the tax hikes, and not for a year or two or three, but permanently until some future Congress decides to raise rates.


Stop the rush to repeal DADT until the Pentagon’s study is received, disseminated and understood.

Stop the Dream Act.

Stop the funding of ridiculous projects like this $715 million bit of pork detailed by the Sacramento Bee’s Dan Walters, and unnecessary agencies like NPR and CPB [Corporation for Public Broadcasting].

Yes, this is real. When the American people flexed their god given democratic right to kick the bums out in November, their chief concerns must have been scrapping a very moderate rollback of Russia and America’s Cold War nuclear arsenal (START II), keeping the gays out of the military, and making sure that ‘illegals’ who graduate college and/or serve our nation in the military have to move back home.

Folks may not like paying taxes and they might not like the bespectacled eggheads employed by NPR, but do they really compare to the significantly greater hunk of shit clogging up the fiscal arteries of the American government: the unfunded Bush tax cuts? Even the most deranged interpretation of the Oblivion Mandate reads that the American people saw that the liberals in Washington were out of control with their spending, and so they voted in a bunch of knuckle dragging warmongers to finally reel it in.

If America really listened intently to the deficit hawks in November, why would they support keeping the burden of the Bush tax cuts (which, if kept intact, would add $3 trillion to the national debt in ten years)? Judging by Hugh’s hatred of pork and PBS, he’s undoubtedly pretty serious about reining in government spending. Wouldn’t a dyed in the wool fiscal-conservative want these massive, unfunded tax cuts to expire and then move to reinstate them with funding through things like cuts in government services? I mean isn’t that the kind of common sense conservativism that the Oblivion Mandate handed the batshits?

Of course Hugh Hewitt is no Cato Institute scholar, he’s just another two faced demagogue currently jacking up the volume of the national discourse to intolerable levels.

He may not want to admit it, but Americans today are less afraid of educated brown people being able to contribute positively to American society than they are of Wall Street firms gambling away the value of their homes so they can take Scrooge McDuck style money-baths. The Great Recession American is similarly less worried about gay people looking to sign up to die for their country in pointless wars so much as they are worried that America will be foreclosed upon by the Chinese when we finally default on our bloated corporate welfare system. That’s why they voted in these blithering idiots: because these are scary times where people are worried about real, complex things. Americans were hoping for a functional government to make togh decisions and deal with these things, not this shit. But of course, the American people chose wrong, because time and time again it is proven that there are only three kinds of conservative in this country: wrongheaded, evil or a terrible concoction of both.

Everyday I wake up I, like so many other political junkies and amateur opinion-makers,  skim memeorandum hoping that some reasonable right winger will stop acting like a myopic dick and start meaning what they say. Today, just like the last, the one before that, etc. proves that day may never come.