Archive for the 'These People Are Animals' Category


Nile Gardiner, Ph.D. has the intellect of a gurgling infant

Nile Gardiner is a university educated man who boasts a doctorate in shit eating grins; he’s also a widely read columnist in the UK and a pundit on Fox News and NPR (a fair and balanced resume if I’ve ever seen one!). He is also, apparently, a blithering idiot.

On Thursday, Paul Krugman unleashed his righteous liberal fury at the Obama administration’s latest struggle with intestinal fortitude over the Bush Tax Cuts and the new-fangled freeze on federal pay raises. As a tribute to the man’s continued relevance, Krugman’s lament reverberated throughout the online echo chamber with liberal bloggers struggling to come to terms with it and conservative bloggers salivating at the prospect of further dividing and conquering the failing liberal tide

No conservative critic drooled more than Britain’s Dr. Gardener who managed to shout through the slobber proclaiming Krugman’s critique a watershed moment in the “liberal civil war.” His post, which is short on substance and long on Brit-con gusto simply points out that the American Left is engaged in escalating infighting because everyone is suddenly figuring out that Obama is not the ideologue that the Right always wanted him to be.

Of course, Paul Krugman, who’s intelligence and straight forwardness cannot be overstated, has been on to the dichotomy between Obama’s political image and his policy substance since, well, forever. Still, this is news to Dr. Nile, who is apparently as much an op-ed junky as I am:

There have been some scathing attacks on the president from high-profile traditional supporters. Recently New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd wrote of “a spineless spiral” in reference to the Obama White House, while over at The Washington Post columnist Eugene Robinson spoke of an “uninspired and uninspiring president”. But it is today’s piece in The New York Times by Paul Krugman which is by far the most damning.

There are a number of issues I have to take up with this fluffy piece of armchair analysis: One, in what universe is Maureen Dowd a “liberal” voice?  What sorry excuse for an analyst tries to claim that MoDo doubting Obama’s cajones qualify as news (even that lovable dunce Matt Drudge is in on it.)? I know he’s an ocean away and it must be tough getting access to our free press while he toils under the Queen’s yoke of tyranny, but did he just neglect to read every op ed written during the “Summer of Discontent?”

The reality of the situation is that Nile wrote a blog post that says nothing, which would be plenty milk toasty if it wasn’t wrapped in the sort of insufferable douche-baggery we’re used to reading from his pasty ilk. Observe the thesis of a genius:

While US conservatives are focusing on cutting the budget deficit, creating jobs, winning the War on Terror, and protecting the United States from dangerous treaties such as New START, America’s liberal elites are investing a great deal of energy fighting each other, and blaming the White House for, incredibly, not being Left-wing enough.

I won’t even bother to go through this business line by line and expose the brilliance of this sentiment; so let’s just remind ourselves that at this point in the Bush administration the conservative government had enacted massive, unfunded tax cuts for the wealthy, and America was still sifting through the rubble of the worst terrorist attack in world history. This attitude that conservatives are somehow more serious about either the deficit or the war on terror is laughable, even more chuckles spring forth from the concept that Republicans have introduced a single substantive measure to bring the jobs back since the housing bubble burst.

Maybe Dr. Nile could benefit from reading more dispatches from Dr. Paul.

(Via The Telegraph)


Hugh Hewitt and the Oblivion Mandate

Okay, so the country saw that the Democrat’s 2006 and 2008 big tent circus was more dysfunctional than Larry Craig’s marriage, and so they handed the Republican’s one half of the legislative branch. It’s true folks, the Dems were indeed handed a half pound tough burger by Middle-America, apparently giving conservatives a schizoid mandate to go back to doing whatever the fuck they want to do all the time.

All of the lily white cherubs of the conservative blogosphere have trumpeted the oncoming age of obstruction as dictated by the Great Unwashed with eager anticipation. As America stumbles ‘n’ fumbles her way into a century she is wholly unprepared for, the dingus cognoscenti have declared that blocking everything is the key to retaining the righteousness of their Exceptionalist rhetoric on the campaign trail.

None of this is news, anyone who thought that somehow the Republican Party could elect throngs of drooling dilettantes to political office and become a functioning part of government is either crazier or dumber than myself. Just because these fools neglected to elect Sharron Angle does not mean they are serious about curbing their turd flinging ways and take a serious approach to governing.

Any quick glance into the conservative online echo chamber in the past few days shows the usual scores of demagogues and mean spirited nutbags going off about this new Oblivion Mandate and how the war to take-everything-back-and-give-it-to-the-rich-folks starts by holding the lame-duck congress hostage until they can squeeze out a few more billion dollars of deficit spending and hand it over directly to the wealthiest folks in the land. You know populist stuff.

One of these sinister boobs is Hugh Hewitt. Hugh’s a professor of Constitutional Law and a super-conservative Christian talk radio host, so conventional wisdom would put him in the Really Smart People caste of society.

Hugh Hewitt a member of the Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians While Impersonating Stephen King faction of the conservative blogosphere.

But of course in the conservative alternate universe conventional wisdom isn’t worth its weight in pig-shit, and Hugh Hewitt is either a dullard or genuinely insane. Here’s Hugh the straight shooter outlining the bare bones of the new conservative mandate:

The GOP needs to honor the people’s overwhelming vote that says “Stop!”

Stop the tax hikes, and not for a year or two or three, but permanently until some future Congress decides to raise rates.


Stop the rush to repeal DADT until the Pentagon’s study is received, disseminated and understood.

Stop the Dream Act.

Stop the funding of ridiculous projects like this $715 million bit of pork detailed by the Sacramento Bee’s Dan Walters, and unnecessary agencies like NPR and CPB [Corporation for Public Broadcasting].

Yes, this is real. When the American people flexed their god given democratic right to kick the bums out in November, their chief concerns must have been scrapping a very moderate rollback of Russia and America’s Cold War nuclear arsenal (START II), keeping the gays out of the military, and making sure that ‘illegals’ who graduate college and/or serve our nation in the military have to move back home.

Folks may not like paying taxes and they might not like the bespectacled eggheads employed by NPR, but do they really compare to the significantly greater hunk of shit clogging up the fiscal arteries of the American government: the unfunded Bush tax cuts? Even the most deranged interpretation of the Oblivion Mandate reads that the American people saw that the liberals in Washington were out of control with their spending, and so they voted in a bunch of knuckle dragging warmongers to finally reel it in.

If America really listened intently to the deficit hawks in November, why would they support keeping the burden of the Bush tax cuts (which, if kept intact, would add $3 trillion to the national debt in ten years)? Judging by Hugh’s hatred of pork and PBS, he’s undoubtedly pretty serious about reining in government spending. Wouldn’t a dyed in the wool fiscal-conservative want these massive, unfunded tax cuts to expire and then move to reinstate them with funding through things like cuts in government services? I mean isn’t that the kind of common sense conservativism that the Oblivion Mandate handed the batshits?

Of course Hugh Hewitt is no Cato Institute scholar, he’s just another two faced demagogue currently jacking up the volume of the national discourse to intolerable levels.

He may not want to admit it, but Americans today are less afraid of educated brown people being able to contribute positively to American society than they are of Wall Street firms gambling away the value of their homes so they can take Scrooge McDuck style money-baths. The Great Recession American is similarly less worried about gay people looking to sign up to die for their country in pointless wars so much as they are worried that America will be foreclosed upon by the Chinese when we finally default on our bloated corporate welfare system. That’s why they voted in these blithering idiots: because these are scary times where people are worried about real, complex things. Americans were hoping for a functional government to make togh decisions and deal with these things, not this shit. But of course, the American people chose wrong, because time and time again it is proven that there are only three kinds of conservative in this country: wrongheaded, evil or a terrible concoction of both.

Everyday I wake up I, like so many other political junkies and amateur opinion-makers,  skim memeorandum hoping that some reasonable right winger will stop acting like a myopic dick and start meaning what they say. Today, just like the last, the one before that, etc. proves that day may never come.

10 So close, yet still so stupid, that conservative blogging juggernaut responsible for unleashing that rabidly misogynistic Viking Beserker onto the unsuspecting lamestream media may have finally touched base with reality for a moment earlier today… only glance the ground and bounce back into it’s far out orbit once more. 

That glancing blow to the surface of the planet Earth came in the form of a post provocatively titled: The Racism Race from contributor Caleb Howe. Yes, I know, I don’t know who the fuck that is either, but judging by a quick glance at his Twitter and a very light read through of his posts at RedState, I can see why: he’s a pretty milk toasty character over there. It would appear as though he trades in the usual batshit reality-bating skullduggery that his team is so fond of, but with that special dose of hard-sci fi loving nerd that sometimes makes RedState posts somewhat palatable, despite the Vegemite flavored lies its content so often carries.

That being said, Mr. Howe has grabbed himself a pretty good thesis, floating the very real idea that the lazy act of labeling a person or organization as “racist” doesn’t really mean much but belittlement in the national discourse. The very word breeds thoughtless reactionary stuff from even the best and brightest organizations (see; Shirley Sherrod-gate), and the NAACP’s condemnation of “racist elements” in the Tea Party movement is a prime example of how such an accusation does little but ratchet up the tension in the great worthless stalemate that is our “great national conversation.”

But of course, reality proved to be a bit too much for Caleb to stomach. As he tugs away at the roots his thesis laid, he winds up losing the plot and falling into tired partisan practices that lazy pseudo-journalists like he (and folks like myself) seem so fond of.

After a lengthy exposition, he lays bare the meat of his critique and comes up with this:

Now, let us be clear, class warfare is also an ugly thing. But Sherrod wasn’t forced to step down from her position at the USDA because she spoke on helping poor people regardless of race. No, she was forced out because it was perceived that she was racist. Because she was being spun as being a racist.

When charges of racism are so casually set upon the world so routinely, this is what happens. Sherrod was arguably speaking out against racism, and yet was forced out of her job overnight by an administration with no moral courage, and was condemned by the NAACP, apparently absent even the barest investigation of the facts on their part. The same NAACP that casually slandered the entire Tea Party movement as racist.

This is where things start to fall apart. After acknowledging that Sherrod is being “spun” as a racist, he condemns the Obama administration, and the NAACP’s populist sentiment bating “racist” declaration… all while leaving out a direct critique of Matt Drudge’s bitch, Andy Breitbart, or his website, which not only broke the story, but jacked the volume to deafening levels to discredit the NAACP as “racist” by grasping at straws.

But of course, these fools are often thick as thieves, and not criticizing one of their own is no terribly wacky act; but then the wheels come off and we’re left with this ridiculousness:

Racism and race in general are big topics these last few weeks. The New Black Panther party wants to kill white babies, but you know, only in the right context. The reporting on that story has been abysmal. In fact, for the left the story isn’t voter intimidation, or DOJ corruption, or even, you know, baby murder. No, for them the story is that Fox News reported on the story, and must therefore be trying to exploit racial antagonism to hurt President Obama or something. Whatever. Glenn Beck!!

While I offer points for the attempt at sarcasm, it’s probably worth pointing out that the whole “New Black Panther” meme is as tiredly false and as guilty of transparent race baiting as the worst of ’em. Granted, this also isn’t surprising, given Erick Erickson’s insistence that that lunacy is actually a story.

I knew I couldn’t make it through a full post on conservative blog without finding some outrageous hypocrisy.


Joe Lieberman is an asshole (episode 1)

This will surely not be the last installment of “Joe Lieberman is an asshole” series, so this is episode one. Sure there are plenty of prequels to this episode, like say sponsoring a piece of legislation authorizing force in Iraq, or being a prude, hating fun and being an incredible douche on the tee vee. But since this happened yesterday, this is episode one. For those of you too lazy to click on the link, Lieberman has told reporters that he’s “strongly considering” joining the inevitable Republican filibuster of the Health Care bill wandering around in the Senate Chamber right now.

Despite what those jokers over at Gawker (please read that, it’s incredible) might be telling you, the man is claiming that he doesn’t like the Public Option, and that’s why he’s doing this. Well of course he doesn’t like the Public Option… he’s an asshole! It’s almost like there’s some sort of “no assholes allowed” clause in this thing where people who are assholes aren’t allowed to like this thing. Granted, I have no idea how Keith Olbermann got into the thing, but its power accuracy is still uncanny.


rush limbaugh being denied the rams is a national embarassment

Full time drug addled blimp and occasional conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh has officially been denied his bid of the St. Louis Rams, not that he had much of a chance to begin with. It’s a shame that such a prominent media figure would gamble the prestige of his program on a trifle! Limbaugh’s critics have called the whole misguided venture a “boondoggle,” putting the ultra conservative fatty under the unflattering spotlight of mainstream media attention.

That was until now. A few brave boneheads in the conservative corner are rallying behind el Rushbo, bravely rectifying the mainstream media’s relentless assault on their righteous leader! Michelle Malkin has hinted at a possible NFL liberal bias, while Doug Powers is outraged that a league that has ungodly scum like Al Davis and, er, Fergie obtain partial ownership of teams. Doug Powers also helpfully reprints some of the Black Eyed Peas uber-controversial lyrical content (hint, they say “nigga” and talk about sex!!!) Meanwhile, over at the National Review Online, racial sensitivity super-genius Andy McCarthy likened Limbaugh the Martyr to Martin Luther King (I shit you not):

That’s how Rush treats people — in the Martin Luther King aspiration that the content of one’s character is what matters, not the color of one’s skin. Yet, in the media narrative, he’s somehow the one who’s got a race issue — and the guys who trade on race, live and breathe it 24/7, are held up as our public conscience. The Left calls this “progress.” I call it perversion.

As much as I love a good conservative hijacking of an historically liberal figure, this is unbelievable even by their own heinous knuckle-dragging nature. But that’s nothing compared to the screaming stupidity coming from PajamasMedia over the issue where they’re shocked, shocked to find out that Rush Limbaugh would attract controversy. PM kindly refers us to both Fergie and Michael Vick as a reminder of the painful double standard in the NFL. The only thing is, is that Vick spent a year in jail, served out his suspension and then was allowed back into the league after apologizing profusely to the press, and Fergie is, well, a pop-star, not an ideologue with a penchant for hate speech and incredibly hypocritical drug addictions (at least her past drug addictions are endearing in a recovering white trash kinda way). The brief post concludes with this stinker of a thinker:

Something to keep in mind regarding how much “controversy” Rush would bring to the NFL.

You can read this drivel, here. Look, trying to pretend that Rush Limbaugh just as or less controversial than Fergie, from America’s most M.O.R. hip hop outfit, or Michael Vick, the washed up wunderkind is silly, and the reason why the NFL isn’t opening its doors wide to el Rushbo is because that fat turd did this on ESPN:

So can these whiners give the whole liberal bias thing a rest and just call a lightning rod douchebag a lightning rod douchebag and realize that the NFL is a pro-sports organization and just doesn’t wanna deal with this shit.


Ross Douthat is an idiot (part II)

So I’m back after an extended Columbus Day break, and while I was gone, this came to my attention. You guys know me, and you know I love the Times, but to publish Ross Douthat’s blithering stupidity is ridiculous and shameful for such an important and righteous publication. Now Ross has published garbage in the past, and he’s been a target here before as well, but in the Sunday Times, he went too far!

In a snarky little peice, Mr, Douthat helpfully pointed out not only is Barack’s Nobel Prize bad for the country, but also that it’s most likely bad for him as a president as well. In the world that Ross occupies (and gets paid by the New York Times to muse about), Obama receiving the Nobel Peace Prize is the rough equivalent to invading a country for no reason, failing to do anything about the visible signs that the economy was about to collapse, letting the infrastructure of the nation fall apart, and illegally torturing people because it raises the stakes on the already “implosible expectations” that his presidency was burdened with.

Ross Douthat, you are sniveling puddin’ head of a nincompoop. This article has it all, the classic anti-European xenophobia:

Here was a chance to establish himself, definitively, as an American president — too self-confident to accept an unearned accolade, and too instinctively democratic to go along with European humbug.

He didn’t take it. Instead, he took the Nobel Peace Prize.

Big mistake.

Good work Ross, looking back at history, all great American presidents have defined themselves as definitely not European, which means they are de facto American. Not this latte sipping arugula eating Hawaiian bastard, though.

The article also bears the stamp of the classic conservative double standard called “American Exceptionalism.” Conservatives like Ross Douthat like to talk loudly about how America, the greatest, most righteous and powerful nation on the planet has the right to dick over the Third World, invade countries meaninglessly, and act unilaterally against reason because we’re freakin’ awesome. And then, when it’s convenient they love to tell you that America should aim low because they’re pragmatists and they know what’s up. For instance, America can’t have universal health care like every other industrialized nation on the planet because we, the richest, most powerful nation on earth can’t afford to cover all the Mexicans running across our border. This rears it’s stupid head repeatedly throughout Ross’ stupid article:

Here was an opportunity to cut himself free, in a stroke, from the baggage that’s weighed his presidency down — the implausible expectations, the utopian dreams, the messianic hoo-ha.

Here was a place to draw a clean line between himself and all the overzealous Obamaphiles, at home and abroad, who poured their post-Christian, post-Marxist yearnings into the vessel of his 2008 campaign.

Yes Ross, those over-zealous “Obamaphiles” who hoped that a charismatic black man with a background in social justice work and constitutional law might bring his intelligence and rhetorical gifts to the White House and have the US not look like an asshole country for a change, those pie in the sky post-Christian, post-Marxist hope that our country can do better. You got us, buddy.

I wonder if the ineptitude of the Federal Government’s response to Katrina would have been harder to take if Bush had set the level high during the first six or so years of his presidency? Maybe Reagan looked so good (through rose colored retrospectacles) because Jimmy Carter was such a load for his four preceding years? I wonder if it would have been more difficult to see horrible pictures released from Abu Ghraib if we didn’t already know Bush was a crook and an asshole after he needlessly invaded Iraq and had signed the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act into existence?

Ross Douthat, you’re an idiot.


keep your government hands offa Oklahoma’s wombs!

Big government (the conservative myth, not the terrible blog) strikes again! In the quaint state of Oklahoma, the state government has passed legislation that would make public the details of every abortion performed. According to ThinkProgress, the cost of this particular invasion of women’s privacy: a hefty $281,285 to kick it all off, and $256,285 every year after that.

Also according to TP, the bill will post online all of the following information:

1. Date of abortion
2. County in which abortion performed
3. Age of mother
4. Marital status of mother
(married, divorced, separated, widowed, or never married)
5. Race of mother
6. Years of education of mother
(specify highest year completed)
7. State or foreign country of residence of mother
8. Total number of previous pregnancies of the mother
Live Births
Induced Abortions

Of course the Okie government has thankfully omitted names and addresses, but something tells me that the great state of Oklahoma has a pretty low population density, and that small communities might go all Hester Prynne on women who act on their legal right to choose. Apparently, others agree with this concept.

That sounds like classic Big Government to me!

(Via ThinkProgress)

Also, the measure is the subject of a lawsuit, which you can read, here.

Read more on the lawsuit and the legislation, here, here, here, and here.